Some helpful tips for caregivers on communicating with their loved ones

 

Caregivers must change their communication style when interacting with a person with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Alzheimer’s is often considered a disease of emotions, whipping up a continuous cycle within its victims’ minds that repeatedly bounces from confusion to discomfort to abnormal behaviors. This can often lead to verbal or physical aggression – caregivers must understand that changes in a loved one’s behavior are not deliberate, but rather a reaction triggered by the disease, a reflection of toxic changes occurring in their brain and essentially changing their realities. Because of this, it can be difficult to properly communicate with someone with Alzheimer’s, especially when you do not yet have a sense of how to change your tone, word choice, etc. So, here are some simple guidelines that can help you have effective and meaningful conversations with your loved one.

 

First, some simple DON’Ts and DOs when communicating with someone with Alzheimer’s:

DON’T:

DO:
  • Argue and/or blame the person
  • Accept blame, acknowledge their feelings
  • Remind the person about their memory loss or test their memory
  • Reassure them with slow speaking, repetition and brief explanations
  • Take their behaviors personally
  • Be patient, go with the flow
  • Ask open-ended questions
  • Give straightforward options
  • Confront
  • Be forgiving, leave the room for a few minutes if things get heated
  • Use the word “but”
  • Use words like “however” and “nevertheless”

 

When communicating with someone with memory loss, it’s important to maximize the “connected-ness” rather than focusing on technicalities. So, it is important that you understand that –

  • Certain things are impossible to change
  • Your thoughts, beliefs and actions will significantly impact your loved one’s behaviors
  • All behavior has meaning
  • Connecting overrides the task at hand

 

Using techniques like distractions or reminiscing is a great way to help the person feel better and to lower their frustrations, while simultaneously allowing them to still feel independent and strengthening your connection.

For example, consider a situation in which a person with dementia says, “I’m leaving now. It’s time for me to pick up the kids from school.” Rather than correct them by saying something like, “Don’t you remember your kids are grown? They’re not in school anymore!” adopt one of the following alternatives:

  • “It sounds like you’re missing your kids right now.”
    (responds to feelings)
  • “You don’t have to pick them up until later.”
    (reassures their anxieties)
  • “Let’s play cards before you go.”
    (distracts them)

 

Some final helpful suggestions:

  • Last Word Connection is a technique that can foster cooperation while still allowing the person with Alzheimer’s to feel in control of their decisions.
    • For example, a caregiver would ask: “Would you like to wear your red shirt today, or the one that’s blue?”
      The person is most likely to say “blue” because it was the last word they remembered hearing.
  • Offer praise and compliments to make the person feel good about themselves and their decisions, as well as listened to.
  • Try methods of communication that don’t involve words. These can come in the form of a favorite song, favorite foods and activities, a massage, etc. See what resonates with your loved one.
  • Humor! It’s something we all know – that laughter brings pleasure.

 

Communication between people can be complicated. Throw Alzheimer’s and dementia in the equation, and tensions can rise quickly. But with a bit of patience and some adapting, caregivers can begin to communicate differently and more effectively with their loved ones, helping both parties adapt to their new realities of living with dementia.

 

We hope these tips will be helpful for you, going onward in the future! The information above is all taken from our class on Personality & Behavior Changes offered at Alzheimer’s Orange County. Learn more about Alzheimer’s Orange County’s services and other programs and events offered at www.alzoc.org